THE PUNISHER

That's right this isn't one of the pussy remakes with "budgets" and "good" writing and shit like that, FUCK NO! This is the kick ass, sodomize your mother, punch you in the face original starring none other than The Master of the Universe himself Ivan Fuckin' Drago. OK, so the story here is Drago kicks a shitload of ass, there's a sub-plot or someshit involving his family or something, some more ass kicking, and then Drago goes all kung fu ape shit. I know what you're thinking, "this has to be the greatest movie of all times" and I don't know if I can't not disagree with you. I don't know what that last thing I typed meant. So overall I think this one scores a solid 8.6 on the Zuel Scale.

Part 1 of 3 http://www.megaupload.com/?d=UOUIU97O
Part 2 of 3 http://www.megaupload.com/?d=SS54847D
Part 3 of 3 http://www.megaupload.com/?d=6MHW9Q46

Ahhh What the fuck



Rocky IV. Hands down the best of the of the five Rocky movies (Rocky V doesn't count because it was ass and therefore doesn't technically qualify as a movie) and coincidentally the only one that stars Ivan Drago. So the story goes something like Rocky and his boys are sitting around all like "Hey look at us we're all badass and shit!" Then our hero Ivan Fuckin Drago shows up and warns Rocky and his boys "Fuck with me and I'll fuck you up!" This angers Apollo Creed who decides that fucking with Drago is a good idea. That doesn't go so well for Apollo because Drago fuckin kills his ass and makes Rocky cry like a little bitch. Then Drago starts training to fight Rocky and his punches are measured at over 2100 PSI! That's the pressure fuckin scuba tanks are under. You remember when Jaws got his shit all exploded? That was from a scuba tank or someshit. Then they fight and Rocky somehow manages to squeak out a win in the 15th round, but who the fuck fights to 15 rounds? I think that last fight to go 15 rounds involved Jack Dempsey. Drago was clearly ahead on the scorecards after 12 rounds, but nevermind that. If you'll remember back to the first Rocky movie and how it ended, Creed beet Rocky, and Drago more than bested the man who bested Rocky, so in my books that means Drago may have lost the fight but he sure as shit won the movie. So what did we learn from all this? Be like Ivan fuckin Drago and you too can:

1 - have a punch strong enough to explode a great white fuckin shark
2 - get away with murder
3 - say cool shit like "If he dies, he dies"
4 - Make Rocky Balboa cry
5 - have a hot wife like Brigitte Nielsen



So overall a mighty 9.1 on the mighty Zuel Scale.

Part 1 of 3 http://www.megaupload.com/?d=3RV1AR2F
Part 2 of 3 http://www.megaupload.com/?d=8KR26JZU
Part 3 of 3 http://www.megaupload.com/?d=RXZPIMXB