Bowling. A past time enjoyed by millions. One ball, 10, sometimes 5 pins, borrowed shoes that have most likely come into recent contact with several forms of foot fungus. Some would say it's fun to play, most would agree that it's boring as fuck to watch. So you're probably asking yourself what the fuck is with this impromptu lecture on bowling? Well give me a minute here, what would happen if you... 
removed the pudgy, ugly, balding, middle-aged white guys from bowling and in their place added...
(not an accurate depiction)
BOWLING BEAUTIES!!! (and maybe a little semen)
I am King Of The Internets. What's that you ask? My proof? Well CLICK HERE!
This was the single greatest Saturday morning cartoon of the 1980's. So what's that you say? You don't remember Hulk Hogan's Rock 'N' Wrestling? Well how was life growing up in your cold-war communist Russoczechoslovakastan? Let me respond to that rhetorical question for you by answering with a giant "less than good."
Ok so if you're like me, and for your own good I hope like fuck you're not, when you think of that fuckin' Animal Planet channel you think of some shitty show about the world's wackiest pets, or endangered penguins, or some douche getting to 3rd base with his cat or someshit.
Creepy
And 99% of the time you'd be right on the money, so needless to say I was fucking floored when I discovered that one of my new favorite shows is a product of that same Animal Planet. Now you're probably asking yourself "what on that horrible, horrible channel could be worth watching?" and to that query I happily answer...
This show is the shit. The first episode of this that I saw some dude woke up in the middle of the night to take a dump, and on his way to the shitter he pulled a live fuckin worm out of his ass. Awesome right? I was hooked instantly. Then there's my personal favorite the bot fly. Bot flies pretty much mug mosquitoes, plant their eggs on them, and then when you're bitten by said mosquito, it plants the eggs on you, where they grow to fat stubby little worms just under the surface of your skin. Seriously if you're not going to check out Monsters Inside Me, do yourself a favour and at least do a google video search of "bot fly". Anyways back to the show, honestly some episodes are better than others, microscopic parasites just doesn't have the same impact as shitting a tape worm, but still interesting stuff.
So overall I say an 8.2 on the Zuel Scale
Anyways here's season one
s01e01 http://www.megaupload.com/?d=AR6DIKQ4
s01e02 http://www.megaupload.com/?d=6GIJNXCH
s01e03 http://www.megaupload.com/?d=UB57ZSN9
s01e04 http://www.megaupload.com/?d=CFVUX148
s01e05 http://www.megaupload.com/?d=EOVNPJ8V
s01e06 http://www.megaupload.com/?d=DP4ZTVR1
Well great fuckin news, he's not high! But he's got a whack of shitty stories that make me wish that I was. You know what though this could be the funniest thing ever, I couldn't tell you. This thing's eleven and a half hours long, and I checked out after about hour two. No that's not true, I was still listening but I stopped paying attention after about forty or fifty minutes. OK more realistically around the thirty minute mark.
I've decided that reading magazines is gay. So unless I'm in jail I won't be reading any more of them.
Artie Lange's Too Fat To Fish. Included are both the 7 disc audio book in mp3 format, and an e-book in pdf for those of you who prefer the printed word. If you are a fan of shit that doesn't suck this is required listening and/or reading. It's the story of Artie, what else do you need to know.
DAY THREE
The June 2009 edition of Lowrider Magazine. Right off the bat I like the cover, hot chick with big fake cans in a bikini standing in front of a '62 Impala. What's not to like? The problem here arises almost immediately. Of the first 10 pages 7 of them feature advertisements. But I'll get back to that later.
The content is pretty straight forward, profiles of custom car makers, their rides, and the hot Latina women who drape themselves over said rides. Now I like Latino women and old American muscle cars so this is all good for me. My problem lies in the proportions.
So back to what I was saying before, the number of ads is fuckin' nuts. Luckily there are 100 pages exactly so it will make the following break-down of content, percentage-wise, really easy which is really good because I'm half plotzed.
So what we have here is a chart.
Pretty straight forward. This chart depicts the number of ads, cars, broads, or angry Mexicans that are featured on at least one third of each page. So it's kinda fucked up that there are more ads than cars. Well I guess I could've skipped the chart, that last sentence pretty much summed shit up. Oh well at least I had the pleasure of making a chart.
But back to the magazine. I do like it, too many ads though, and it could use more whores. So June '09 Lowrider Magazine gets a 7.1 on the Zuel Scale, my bitchin' chart making skill gets a mad 8.0
http://www.megaupload.com/?d=HRRC2QVP
